Egads it’s been awhile since I’ve updated this thing. In my defense, I’ve been busy with a wedding and whatnot (and in case you were wondering – I’m not having wedding withdrawals so much as I’m basking in the sweet, sweet relief of all that shemoligan being OVER). But now that it’s been almost 2 months (whaaaaaaaaa???), I can no longer use that as an excuse. So I’ve decided that today – and today only – I will give you an extra special glimpse into my life. Think of it as my way of saying, “I’m sorry for the neglect. Please don’t leave me.”
I’ll start with this statement: Jesse worries about me. A lot. Mostly my sanity. Because apparently the conversations that happen in my life aren’t exactly considered “normal human interaction”.
Exhibit A: Text from my sister
Her:
RAPTOR BABY!!!!
Me: What the crap???
Her: Hahah I google imaged baby raptor and that came up!
Me: It’s rather disturbing. Why is it all bloody?
Her: It’s called embryonic fluid. You had it on you too when you emerged.
Me: I know, but it’s sick nasty and not meant to be seen by humans.
Her: Well now you’ve seen it and your eyes are tainted.
Me: You’ve ruined me.
Exhibit B: Text from my mom
Her: Papa and I saw this ghoul on a cow yesterday.
Me: I never get to see anything good. L
Exhibit C: Text from the best friend
Me: Watching Real Housewives and eating snickerdoodles while my uterus tries to escape. Don’t judge me.
Her: No judgement. What rh is it? I just got done watching My Little Pony while “playing” with 2 of my little ponies I found. Don’t judge me. I like braiding their hair.
So as you can see, he may or may not be warranted in his worrying. BUT allow me to introduce. . . .
Exhibit D: Text from the husband
Him: If you’re sick, then I’m going to kick your butt for being “Little Miss I’m Stronger Than Death”.
Me: Will you make me a sash that says that?
Him: Yes.
Me: Yessssssssssss! Ima do my hair in an updo to accept it.
Him: A poofy updo? I’ll have a parade in your honor. You’ll get to ride in a car-truck.
Me: Best. Day. Ever.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why he no longer gets to worry about me. He may, however, worry about himself since it would appear that I have, in fact, brought him down with me.
